Some Vol commentary, brought to you by Dim Boobs, himself.

Lamenting the fact that we missed that catalyst for our chance to at least have a mini dynasty of sorts, from the 1989 on to present: what follows should be read with the image of the words rolling up like at the beginning of Star Wars:

The 2001 loss to LSU in SEC Championship Game is what I killed the burgeoning Orange Dynasty of the Late 20th/early 21st Century AD. That and Fulmer getting too complacent after Manning’s reign and winning the 1998 National Championship, presented by Sears. Something also kind of died when Manning failed to beat Florida in 1996 and 1997, both should have happened, and when in 1996, in Knoxville, in the rain, and Bobby Denton (that is the Neyland Stadium announcer, right?) made that lame announcement… Would Rain Spain please call UT Police, Rain Spain?… shortly after the 3rd of 5 first-half Gator touchdowns, as if, UT’s only hope of beating Florida and Spurrier’s passing attack was by rain, like in 1992 (Mose Phillips & Co.)… back to Manning… should have beaten Florida in 1996/1997 but didn’t. The Heisman Manning lost to Woodson is the direct result of those Florida loss(es), and so in essence Florida beat the Vols again at that prestigious national honor, as Wheurffel (and later Tebow) added to Spurrier’s (which brings up another one of UT’s chance for national honors lost (stolen), when Majors finished second to Paul Hornung)… which are now 3 more than UT has produced. LSU, Georgia, Alabama and Florida, (plus S.Carolina) are all in a club that UT is not (did I leave any SEC Heismans out?). What we have to contend with is UT’s lack of home grown talent vs Florida, LSU, Georgia… even Alabama and S. Carolina and no innovative coach like Urban Meyer, Steve Spurrier, or a Les Miles/Nick Saban-type motivator, or a Mark Richt walking with the confidence of a king.

What sums up the UT athletic history is a bunch of guys who came close to greatness but choked in front of the national spotlight.

1939 – unbeaten, unscored upon… and, after a 24-hour straight train ride from Knoxville to L.A., followed by an all-night night before game bash, then 6am morning march/float ride participation in the Tournament of Roses – like Homer Simpson marching in the Rio de Janeiro Carnival with a T-shirt showing Uncle Sam (but in this case, Gen. Neyland in his 40′s style brim hat) taking a bite out of the globe with the caption Try and Stop US… LOST THE GAME! Lost 14-0 to USC in the Rose Bowl, blowing the chance to be even Honorable Mentioned in all those best teams of all time ESPN/Sporting News lists.

1997 – Peyton Manning, the hype, lost to Florida, 12-7 victory over Vandy, with repeated ESPN footage of Manning directing the band, in celebration of that performance (granted, it meant an SEC east title, but look at UGA this year. College football ain’t about squeaking into the SEC Champ game… it’s about kicking ass, preferably all year, but at least in November.

If you think back to Gen. Neyland (and the stadium that UT gets bragged about)… what really can you stack up that Florida or even a dozen other across the nation couldn’t top. Great as he was, Neyland will never eclipse a Bear Bryant, Bobby Dodd, or John Heisman, in either victories or what he added to the game, although his class and character is probably viewed as superior to those and are what UT prides itself on, similar to Manning.

Manning was loved by the most of the media for his politeness. So what.

Fulmer has the overall best winning percentage of any who have coached over 10 years. So what.

Neyland stadium… not the biggest, prettiest, winningest. So, what is it, just something that East Tennesseans can take pride in seeing on national television and hearing the announcers mention it… it does have the river and the Navy.

UT needs some home grown tort, with passion to see UT get to that next level… like what THE Ohio State University tried to do over the past 5 years… pouring tons of money and somehow paying their way into the BCS year after year… but seriously, UT is in need of another huge momentum push.

Required:

  1. New classic uniforms, ala Alabama, (even Florida with those throwbacks they have been wearing once per season the past few years).
  2. Overall push to top-tier public research university (North Carolina, Michigan, Wisconsin, Texas) This separates you from the Oklahoma’s, Florida State’s, and Alabama’s, which are barbarians that rise up with great talent once every few years but are perceived as dumb and brutish and not contributing to the success of the student athlete.
  3. Make Neyland Stadium 200,000 seating capacity. Add one more upper deck ring and then dig down and have almost a 90 degree angle wall or perhaps angling OVER 90 degrees, of standing students, stacked right on top of the playing field. Only a Plexiglas awning to protect the player from spit, etc. When making a comeback against Alabama, in the early fourth quarter, after a Vol touchdown to bring it back to within 4 points, and on the ensuing kick-off the Vol special teams player, fueled by the supercharged adrenalin of 200k screaming fans, hits the Bama return man at the 5 yard line and lifts him off the ground and throws him into the end zone for a touch back, the noise should be the loudest ever recorded by a decibel meter. That way, when some chicken-ass hot shot from Auburn, LSU or Florida comes strutting in on Friday afternoon walk through, he begins to sense the impending doom.
  4. A victory for the ages: UT 140, FLA 0, September 18, 2010. The 20 Touchdown game, it will be called. When the PA makes this score announcement at the LSU/Georgia game in Athens, the scream from the crowd sends a Tacoma Narrows Bridge-like wave through the upper deck and four people are sent to the hospital with minor injuries, but later give a statement it was worth it to be there and here that announcement. Back in Knoxville, a post game fight involving both teams players AND the entire fan base attending the game, with none other than Charlie Daniels, standing at the 50 yard line, on top of the Big Orange T, shouting with his big beard in the face of Urban Meyer, with assistant coach Chris Doerring at his side: I done told you ONCE you sonuvabitch, we’re the best that’s EVER BEEN!! Followed by a Hjueh!! Hjueh!! laugh from UT fan Dusty Turnipseed, wearing an Uncle Sam sparkling top hat bought with confidence prior to the game in celebration of the coming victory.
  5. And finally, a couple of years later, a lanky 6-7, Randy Moss/Devin (and Jacob!) Hester-like, home grown Alcoa or A-E Roadrunner, who is Tony Robinson reincarnated with 3.5 speed and rubber ligaments that allow for double jointed knees, 3-way player, with a life story sappier than Tebow’s, who
    wins the Heisman as a Freshman, the first of 4 straight.

Since we cannot claim any real success in the past, it is time to start now… DAMMIT, I KNOW WE CAN!!

Bone it, I guess.
–Dim